Most of the articles that I write are related to my clients and my experience as a therapist. However, yesterday I had a fall-out with a friend and this made me realised how powerful negative emotions can be.
The other day I was chatting with my friend Alex over Whatsapp. Trying to be transparent in regards to a conversation of what to do the next weekend, I shot myself in the foot. I was told that I was rude and my tone was not friendly. The whole situation left me puzzled; it was a complete mess, my efforts had backfired on me.
Throughout our discussion, the more honest I got, the more Alex became offended. I asked myself: “How many times had this happened between others and myself?”I felt drained by this negativity and I started feeling like a was walking on eggs shells: everything that I was saying, it was the object of misinterpretation from my friend. Living up to your personal efforts of self-honesty, always put you at loggerheads with others.
The emotions that came up was a like a long roller coaster ride to the basement of negative emotions: I was briefly set alight with a spirit of the emotions, then the energy violently shook my gut and a deep bellyache radiated through my belly, the movement felt like an earthquake. I was disheartened, I had realised that making steady changes in my life, can be challenging; not everyone will embrace your personal change you have for yourself. And that is ok.
I went from feeling empowered in my conversation to the walking wounded.
In the aftermath, I was left with the task of removing myself from the road of the walking wounded. I began with talking to myself gently as if my belly was a vulnerable child, for about thirty minutes; as I knew that many of our childhood emotional residue live trapped in the belly.
I continued to move through the journey of the fallout. I wrote out a list of feelings that identified the way I was felt and I placed my focus on reaching a place of peace. The ability to turn defeat angst in a loving service for ourself is priceless because it shone a light of the self-defeating situation I could have fallen into; instead, I chose to pursue clarity of my mind.
This lesson was a pivotal moment for me: instead of seeking clarity with the individual first, I sought clarity with the person I can change; myself. Using my personal a process of listing what I had been feeling, called “Process To Inner Peace” – my first book. Then employing Hawaiian prayer, “Ho’o pono pono” a Self-directed tool that facilitates the taking of responsibility for you. I recited the adapted statement below to the emotions of the body.
“I am so sorry
Please forgive me
With the deep love of forgiveness (optional line)
I love you.”
Feeling hurt in relations to the argument, I made the conscious decision to act differently with myself: this was born out of a choice not to stay stuck in that place, however, mindful of the situation, I chose to move beyond. I was able to see the whole experience as an opportunity to understand the impact of this experience; if it happens next time I have a strategy to move beyond; this and any other situations out of my control. I felt that I honoured my journey. The power of negative emotions make you feel bad or with a little personal creativity and a few simple tools, you can turn your feeling around.
The story has a happy ending, of course. However, the point that I am trying to make it is not really related to my fall out with Alex or the reasons. Most of the times our focus is on the reason for the argument. To be honest with you guys, I am not even sure what was the real reason for this fallout. The most painful part of this situation had been how I felt in relation to the argument.
Be mindful of who you are and what you can do: everything that you face a conflict asks yourself three questions first:
- Why did this happen?
- What can I do about it?
- How can I move forward?
My recommendation is to follow the “Process To Inner Peace” and list all your feelings. I will soon record a video, to support the process.
What strategies do you have to gain self-clarity?